why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and she was petting her beer can
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
