Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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