I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
