Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
