you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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