He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
