How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
