Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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