Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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