the condom got lost in my hair
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
