this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize