ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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