walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
