Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
