I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
