R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
