I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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