I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
