nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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