Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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