Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
