Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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