i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
