tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this boner is exhausting
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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