If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize