A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
