Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
