I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
