Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And my parents said I crawled through the house
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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