i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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