soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
