There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
