having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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