i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
