I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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