More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
