I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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