My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
