If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A bitchslap is in order.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
