so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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