If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
