Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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