Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
