Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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