you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
