Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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