Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
