The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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