u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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