Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize