Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
