You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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