I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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