The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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