dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
