My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
