you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My ass is underappreciated
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
