Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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