Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this will be a night to untag.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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