That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
