I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just gift wrapped bread.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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