Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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