The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
