the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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