One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
