OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
