Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
3pm strippers are depressing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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