god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
