I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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