On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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