Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
