the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
