32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
