note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
