I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
