For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
