you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
