Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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