the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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