ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
