if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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